Unprepared

Today I was less than 48 hours away from the gate of Parris Island and a pair of yellow footprints with my name on them. I got up early to go PT with my recruiter at the station, but he called me at 6am when I was about to leave home to say that he had an early appointment he took from another recruiter and he wasn't going to be there to PT. I opted to just knock out a few sets of pullups and crunches later since I had a sore achilles tendon and didn't want to run without consulting my recruiter about it. For now I decided to go back to bed for a little. I wasn't tired and didn't really sleep but it felt nice to lay down.

Around 8:30 there was a knock at the door. I peaked through the blinds and saw dress blue deltas. I hopped out of bed and threw a shirt on pretty quick. Staff Sergeant Thorne was at the door. He said "A slot is open for 0321 Recon-man." I asked when, but I knew the answer since he was at my door. "You come over to the station, we put you on the shuttle to go up to the hotel, then you process and go to recruit training tomorrow." My heart about stopped. This was what I wanted. From the moment I found out that recon was an option it's what I wanted to do. I've always dreamed of working in military special operations. I briefly paused to mention that I had been considering trying to get into active duty, but Staff Sergeant Thorne pointed out that I would need to replace my reserve slot to do that, which isn't likely to happen soon. He also pointed out that I would be earning active duty pay for the next year while going through training. By this time Joy was up and dressed, and she in her wife smarts invited the recruiter in so we could sit down in the living room. I knew that the biggest issue with this opportunity was that my affairs are not in order. My wife has no driver's license and depends on others from transportation, my car needs Florida tags, and there's a dozen other little things that need to be done. I told Staff Sergeant Thorne this plainly and he said he understood and that the recruiters and their wives were available to help in any way they could.

The next hour was a bit of a blur. I determined from the start that my main concern was my wife. I knew that I could go to recruit training and do just fine, even with such short notice. I asked about my physical state, since I had been told they wanted people to pass an IST with certain standards in order to take a recon slot. Staff Sergeant Thorne said that he had been tracking my progress and had talked to the recon unit's commanding officer. He had gotten clearance specifically for me to go, because I had shown dedication in working toward my goal. It might be the only opportunity that will arise to take an 0321 recon slot and he only just got word this morning.

My wife was pretty nervous, but she was taking it surprisingly well. She talked to Mrs. Thorne, the recruiter's wife on the phone, about what it was like to deal with the separation. I called and talked to a friend, my Pastor's son, and he advised me that there was an awful lot that needed to be squared away still, and that I be sure that there was some sort of solid plan to get it done without me. Finally I talked to my wife's parents, a very important call since they are the ones who have volunteered to take care of her financially in my absence. Her father told me that they are supportive of my decision to join the Marines, but that he was very concerned about this timing. Joy is totally dependent on others, without a drivers license or any experience with handling the car or finances. Plus we still have one month to go before our first anniversary of marriage, and he was worried how she would take that. He said he would not tell me not to do it, but that I needed to think carefully about what I was doing. I thanked him and went inside with a heavy heart. I could tell that he did not want to tell me what to do, but that he strongly felt that it was a bad idea for me to leave today. I could tell that he saw it as leaving Joy in a bad situation.

I went back in the house and looked at my wife, she was talking with Staff Sergeant Thorne, clearly in control of herself in spite of the major shock she had just received. She is strong, whatever she thinks about herself. At that very moment she was thinking that I was about to leave, and had spent the past hour thinking that I was about to leave. She knows that this is what I've always dreamed of and assumed that I was going to go, but she wasn't blubbering or incoherent. She's a wonderful woman and deserves better than to be dumped with all the responsibility of taking care of herself, without even having some of the most basic tools to do so.

I told Staff Sergeant Thorne that I could not accept the offer. I told him that I knew when I signed up that might not be able to have the job I wanted, and that my decision to join stands firm regardless of whether I get to join Recon or not. The situation is that my wife is just not prepared, physically or emotionally, and that leaving now would probably damage my relationship with her family. I told him that saying yes would have been the easy choice, following my dream right now. But putting my wife's good before my own was the right choice. Staff Sergeant Thorne was very understanding. He said that he could understand why I made my decision and that he would use it as an example to his recruiters. I told him that I had made a mistake by assuming that I had yea however many months before I would be leaving, and had been lazy in taking care of my affairs. I determined to learn a lesson from this, and I would ensure that if he showed up in a couple weeks, or a couple months with another chance, we would be prepared.

Staff Sergeant Thorne departed, and so did my chance to be less than 48 hours from Parris Island. It was a very sobering experience to say the least. I was faced with a very difficult decision, and I made a very hard choice. I could have been on my way following my dream, and really the only thing that held me back was my failure to prepare for this possibility. I assumed that I had time to prepare for my departure and I focused alot on my physical preparation. I've worked very hard to grow stronger and faster, and set myself up for success, but I failed to set my wife up for success. I will learn from this and make sure that we are both ready for anything that the Marine Corps might throw at us in the coming months. So for now my priorities are clear, get Joy her driver's license, get her enrolled in college for the fall, and make sure she has the ability to take over the finances and car at a moment's notice.

Also, I think Joy and I will both value the time we spend together a lot more, because we don't know when another knock might come to the door and yesterday will become the last day we have together for a long time.